Funny Things To Say About Steven Tyler Becoming A Judge On American Idol

Rumor has it that Steven Tyler being a judge on the upcoming season of American Idol is a done deal. Since we’re such big American Idol fans ( and by “fans” we mean “would rather have our eyes sucked out by Lisa Lampanelli” ) we thought we’d take a moment to share our thoughts about this exciting (and by “exciting” we mean, “mind-numbing, soul-suckingly boring”) development.

Funny Things To Say About Steven Tyler Becoming A Judge On American Idol

1. Careful sitting down there Stevie, might break a hip.
2. New feature this season, contestants voted off to be sucked into his giant mouth, forced to contemplate their shitty performance before being freed.
3. Breaking: rest of Aerosmith being a bunch of crybaby pussies about his new gig, threatening once again to get new singer.
4. I wonder if there’s a “no wearing pants tight enough to see your junk” clause in his contract?
5. Any way we can arrange some Liv Tyler and Alicia Silverstone girl on girl action during a performance, just for old time’s sake?
6. Steven Tyler is now a judge on American Idol. It was supposed to be a secret, but he’s got a big mouth. (from @NotAProBlog)
7. Let’s see, J-Lo’s fine ass, or Tyler’s old ass. Dammit Fox, why didn’t you just meet her demands?
8. I heard they wanted Axl Rose, but didn’t want to spend twelve years shooting one episode.
9. I know he is going to do that weird screamy stuff during commentary and it is going to make me want to punch him in his (gargantuan, seriously huge) mouth.
10. You know there are a lot easier ways to announce you’re officially out as lead singer of Aerosmith.
11. Stay tuned for Steven’s new addition to the competition: “Tour Bus Twister!” (from @ArynCorley)
12. I never thought I’d say this, but if this is where being sober leads, maybe he should start drinking again.
13. Craaaay-zay … Craaaay-zay … the network executives at Fox have gone craay-zay, on us baby …
14. God, please don’t let any of the contestants be named Janie. I’ll be so nervous.
15. Dude looks like a lady? Dude looks more like a washed up old rock star in a feather boa.
16. Just wet his lips and hang him on a window between takes.
17. As Idol’s ratings start to slide, they’ll revive the show by guest-judging with Run DMC.
18. Janie’s got a gun, Steven’s got a snippy attitude. Mraow!
19. David Lee Roth is now wondering if he can get a judge’s spot on America’s Got Talent. Or even a performance spot.
20. Will fanboy Mike Myers get his own dressing room or will he just stay stuck firmly to Tyler’s butt?